Encountering Bullies who Target our Bodies
by Dr. Kathleen Hart, PhD CEDS
At some point, someone will negatively comment on your teen’s body, whether it’s intended bullying or not, and it’s important to arm them with the skills to handle it. Dr. Kathleen Hart, a licensed psychologist specializing in the treatment of eating disorders, recommends discussing this with your child well before their teen years. “Bullying comments about bodies are like verbal arrows,” Dr. Hart explains. “If you prepare your child that one day they will encounter someone who will shoot a verbal arrow in their direction by criticizing their body, they will be better equipped to handle it.”
Naming the Comment for What It Is
So how can parents and caregivers help teens respond to these moments? Dr. Hart recommends making a clear distinction that these words are verbal attacks. This reframing creates emotional distance and reduces the likelihood that the comment will linger. “Coaching your teen to think, ‘Oh I’ve just been targeted by a bully’ rather than ‘So-and-so thinks I’m fat’ will prevent bullying comments to seep into your child’s emotional life and gradually erode their body-esteem.” This distinction matters. When a teen interprets a comment as a reflection of someone else’s behavior rather than a judgment of their own worth, it becomes easier to let it pass without absorbing it.
Why Body-Based Comments Are Especially Harmful
Body-based bullying is particularly powerful because it targets something deeply personal and highly visible. Teens are already navigating physical changes, social comparison, and pressure to fit in. Comments about weight, shape, or appearance can quickly attach to existing insecurities and distort how teens see themselves.
Even comments that are framed as “concern” or “helpful advice” can land as criticism. Over time, repeated exposure to these messages can increase body dissatisfaction, anxiety, and vulnerability to disordered eating behaviors.
Helping teens recognize that the problem lies with the comment — not their body — is a crucial protective factor.
Building Skills, Not Just Toughness
Supporting teens doesn’t mean teaching them to ignore hurtful comments or “toughen up.” Instead, it means helping them develop tools to:
Identify body-based bullying when it happens
Understand that these comments reflect societal bias, not personal failure
Decide how (or whether) to respond
Seek support from trusted adults when needed
Parents and caregivers can model this skill by naming harmful comments when they hear them, whether directed at the teen, themselves, or others, and reinforcing that bodies are not up for public critique.